I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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