I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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