my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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