I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
