i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
