proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
