i was born a porn star she said
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
