Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There r osticjed everywhere
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
