I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
