I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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