I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
