I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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