pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
