The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
