Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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