Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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