areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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