your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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