Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
