Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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