are you still at the devil's house?
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
