I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
