chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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