at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
