she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
