i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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