My room smells like vodka and shame
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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