i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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