Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
