What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
