he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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