Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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