i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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