and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The air taste purple.
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