I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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