He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
