I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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