when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
