There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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