i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
