The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
