ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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