I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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