remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I sprained my soul last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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