Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
