No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
