You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
