I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
