a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
