it was like his penis was on wheels.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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