just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
