Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
