Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
