just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
