You smell like a Billy Joel song
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The power of my boobs compel you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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