idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
