hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
