So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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