What a fucking waste of an outfit
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize