I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
