Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
