don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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