Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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