how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
