hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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