So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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