Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
