New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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