About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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