In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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