he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
