i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
