we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Non-Jews are for practice
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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