your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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