I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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