Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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