she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
