Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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