Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
