Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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