I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
